Despatch riders are mad

Every so often, like everyone else no doubt, I get cheesed off with my job – shuffling pointless papers, attending endless meetings, dealing with idiots (the last one isn’t particular to the civil service btw!). More than once I’ve thought about what I’d rather be doing, which always takes me in the direction of riding a bike. From there it’s just a short mental hop to considering despatch riding as an alternative career. Is it worth it? Read on…

The sameday courier industry, of which motorbike despatch riders are an integral part, is highly fragmented - especially in London, where a number of firms are battling it out for market position. Despatching used to be a good gig. All the old boys will tell about how in the old days you could easily make a grand a week etc., which is obviously decent money. But from what I’ve seen and heard, those days are long gone. Nowadays, the despatch companies compete savagely (in some cases unscrupulously) and the upshot is lower fees so lower earnings, which of course is a paradise for employers of cheap imported foreign labour.

Getting started is also an issue. When you're new and you don't know where you're going or what you’re doing, you make very little money until you learn. Plus, you may have to hire a bike, pay for servicing and in the winter it's got to be one of the least desirable jobs going. No matter how much of a big tough biker you think you are, six hours on the motorway in rain, wind, sleet or even snow, at zero degrees is going to be painful.

And it's dangerous, so very expensive from an insurance point of view - though contrary to many people's opinion, despatching isn’t necessarily about being a fast rider. If you don't know where you're going, being fast actually counts for very little. But if you don’t know where you're going and you're under pressure to get a job done, you get stressed. Stress added to fast riding = accident waiting to happen. Hence, despatch riders are often viewed as a royal pain in the a**e by other road users.

In my club we have a despatch rider who covers London and beyond. Let’s call him “Bob”. He’s a lovely fella but obviously completely hatstand given some of the stories he has regaled us with. For example, the other day he was given Glasgow and back in a day – a 900-mile round trip, wearing little more than a cardigan and shorts over the North Yorkshire moors (I’m exaggerating – but not by much!), finally getting back home at 3.30am. It sounded horrific (I’m not happy if I get home past 7pm!). In short, despatching sounds like a tough, stressful job with shocking hours that often doesn't justify the money on offer these days. I tip my hat to anyone who does it.

On the plus side, you…erm...get to ride a bike for a living!

Maybe I’ll stick with my safe office-based job for now…..