Working in a bike shop

Working in a motorcycle dealership has got to be every bikers’ dream hasn’t it? It’s a dream that I was lucky enough to realise myself, albeit for a short time, many years ago.

Back in the 70s and 80s, Roy Smith Motors, based in New Malden, was very well known around the area of South West London and Surrey. In fact, Roy Smith’s, Tippets (Tolworth), Lamba (Carshalton) and Hartgate (Mitcham) pretty much had the area sewn up between them - and lucky old me went to work there in 1984, having trawled all the local dealerships by letter for junior sales positions. At 18 years of age, it’s where my real biking education began.

Roy Smith’s was a Honda/Yamaha main dealer and the largest (at that time) carrier of Yamaha spares in the country. It also stocked a large clothing and accessories range and had a very decent workshop – so, being the complete package, the showroom became a popular meeting place at weekends. This was a time when the big Japanese manufacturers held almost total market dominance. If it wasn’t a brightly coloured Honda, Suzuki, Yamaha or Kawasaki the youngsters simply didn’t want it. The most popular bike that year was the Yamaha RD125LC – the learner legal version of the fantastic 350 Power Valve - we couldn’t get enough of them (or indeed the 350 version).

The dealership is where I learned about the importance of presentation and attention to detail – after all, no-one wants to look at grubby displays and dirty bikes. Similarly, if the sales paperwork isn’t right then trouble is not far away and it could cost the dealership money. In a business where margins are small, this stuff matters. It is also where I learnt practical stuff such as how to manoeuvre big bikes, how to assess helmet and clothing fit and how to deal with people.

 
Away from the busy times, the job was fairly routine, as you might imagine – cleaning bikes and adjusting displays, stock control, restocking etc. Roy Smith himself kept a fully working 1926 Velocette in the showroom so that was great for someone like me who was new to biking but he was not a particularly generous or gregarious man and was a difficult guy to gauge - and at a basic £60 per week with no commission, it paid badly for the number of bike and other sales I made for the shop. That said, what more can a wet-behind-the-ears 18 year old really expect? I got to know the guys in the workshop, all about the workings of the parts department and found out that I could sell. It was good experience and retail is good grounding in a lot of ways – sadly, customer service seems to be a dying art these days. Anyway, I enjoyed it so much that 7 months later I left to become a civil servant!

Today, the showroom remains, though Roy Smith himself has long since departed – instead, it is now owned by the biking chain J&S Accessories. Living close by, I go there regularly and every time I walk through the door, the memories come flooding back – and they are very nice memories to have...

Here comes the summer

So here we are – British Summertime is here at last. The strange yellow spherical object in the sky shines forth, daffodils start to bloom, the distant hum of lawnmowers can be heard on the breeze and different varieties of flabby white skin can be seen as people again start to bare their bodies to the sun (even though the temperature at the moment is scarcely into the early teens celcius). Yes, judging by the weather on show last weekend, spring has well and truly sprung in Olde Englandshire.

There is another, somewhat perplexing phenomenon to be seen at this time of year, a strange, yearly occurrence that takes place at each Vernal Equinox – it is the re-emergence from hibernation of the weekend sportsbike rider (otherwise known at Chegwin Towers as the “all the gear but no idea” brigade). Commonly named “Gaz”, “Baz” and “Daz”, these extraordinary creatures, reminiscent of the species “Powersus Rangerum”, are known for their bright, shiny colourings, expensive new machinery and for “givin’ it some” knee-down heroics. Their common habitat, having completely over-estimated their ability after months off a bike, is wrapped around a tree or in a ditch by the side of the road.

You would think that more biking calamities would happen in winter when the weather is at its worst yet each year the biker accident statistics rise with the mercury. Clearly, it’s a numbers game but it really is no wonder the OB take such a keen interest in bikers – we do ourselves no favours sometimes. As far as “Gaz”, “Baz” and “Daz” are concerned, if they are lucky, they survive and don’t take anyone else with them – if not....

Anyway, putting my middle-aged prejudices aside for a moment, from a biking perspective I love this time of year. The spring, summer and autumn months are stretching ahead of us, with long evenings to enjoy and plenty of grip in the roads - so what delights does the biking year ahead hold? Speaking personally, aside from bits and pieces like next weeks’ “Ride of Respect 2011” through Royal Wootton Bassett not that much is in the diary at the moment – at least in terms of bigger trips.

There’s talk of a jaunt to the Nurburgring and of a long weekend in Normandy in May sometime – and of course, my club has the yearly Remembrance Weekend trip over the Channel to wartime battlefields and monuments. Apart from that, a lot of stuff happens on the spur of the moment, perhaps when some spare time is identified or the weather prospects are particularly good – such as with yesterday’s cracking post-breakfast hoon around the roads of Surrey and Sussex in the glorious sunshine.

Whatever we do, being a winter rider too hopefully I’ll be ready – the bike is working well and I just have a feeling that it’s going to be a good summer. So enjoy (and stay safe)....

Despatch riders are mad

Every so often, like everyone else no doubt, I get cheesed off with my job – shuffling pointless papers, attending endless meetings, dealing with idiots (the last one isn’t particular to the civil service btw!). More than once I’ve thought about what I’d rather be doing, which always takes me in the direction of riding a bike. From there it’s just a short mental hop to considering despatch riding as an alternative career. Is it worth it? Read on…

The sameday courier industry, of which motorbike despatch riders are an integral part, is highly fragmented - especially in London, where a number of firms are battling it out for market position. Despatching used to be a good gig. All the old boys will tell about how in the old days you could easily make a grand a week etc., which is obviously decent money. But from what I’ve seen and heard, those days are long gone. Nowadays, the despatch companies compete savagely (in some cases unscrupulously) and the upshot is lower fees so lower earnings, which of course is a paradise for employers of cheap imported foreign labour.

Getting started is also an issue. When you're new and you don't know where you're going or what you’re doing, you make very little money until you learn. Plus, you may have to hire a bike, pay for servicing and in the winter it's got to be one of the least desirable jobs going. No matter how much of a big tough biker you think you are, six hours on the motorway in rain, wind, sleet or even snow, at zero degrees is going to be painful.

And it's dangerous, so very expensive from an insurance point of view - though contrary to many people's opinion, despatching isn’t necessarily about being a fast rider. If you don't know where you're going, being fast actually counts for very little. But if you don’t know where you're going and you're under pressure to get a job done, you get stressed. Stress added to fast riding = accident waiting to happen. Hence, despatch riders are often viewed as a royal pain in the a**e by other road users.

In my club we have a despatch rider who covers London and beyond. Let’s call him “Bob”. He’s a lovely fella but obviously completely hatstand given some of the stories he has regaled us with. For example, the other day he was given Glasgow and back in a day – a 900-mile round trip, wearing little more than a cardigan and shorts over the North Yorkshire moors (I’m exaggerating – but not by much!), finally getting back home at 3.30am. It sounded horrific (I’m not happy if I get home past 7pm!). In short, despatching sounds like a tough, stressful job with shocking hours that often doesn't justify the money on offer these days. I tip my hat to anyone who does it.

On the plus side, you…erm...get to ride a bike for a living!

Maybe I’ll stick with my safe office-based job for now…..

Why isn't speedway more popular?

I love many different types of motorsport – Formula 1, sports and touring cars (tin tops), rallying, Indy racing and NASCAR in the States, British and World Superbikes, drag racing, stock cars… If it has an engine, chances are that there’s a race series for it and I’d be happy watching it (with the exception of MotoGP, which, oddly I find incredibly dull).

For me, F1 is the pinnacle of motorsport – I love everything about it, the image, the history, the buzz of race circuits on qualifying and race days, the noise of an F1 engine – and F1 has probably never been in better shape with 5 world champions on this years’ starting grid. However, as good as F1 and the bigger motorsport series are, there is one sport that I haven’t mentioned, which in my view doesn’t get the recognition it should in this country – speedway.

To the uninitiated, speedway is simply four bikes going round and round, with nothing much happening. Oh, but it is so much more than that. I went to my first speedway meeting as a 12 year-old in 1978. Wimbledon Dons were my local team, racing out of Wimbledon Stadium (now just a dog track and stock car venue) and I immediately caught the speedway bug. The roar of the bikes, the smell of methanol, the aroma of Bovril and hot pies and the excitement of the racing completely drew this young boy in. It was, I suppose, my first real exposure to bikes.

Wimbledon Dons has always been a famous name in British speedway. They’ve won the league numerous times as well as various cups and have had many of the world’s best riders wearing their colours – Jim Kempster, Ronnie Moore, Barry Briggs, Dave Jessup, Gordon Kennett, Tommy Jansson, Kelvin Tatum, Malcolm Simmons, Ivan Mauger etc etc. My favourite rider was Eddie Jancarz (below) - sadly killed in the 1990s (somewhat incredibly, he was murdered by his wife!). Wimbledon's home track at Plough Lane has hosted internationals matches since as long ago as 1930, all kinds of riders' championships, as well as the famous Daily Express Spring Classic. 

Speedway was once the second most popular sport in this country behind football, with league crowds numbering in the tens of thousands. Wimbledon Dons actually closed their supporters club membership at 60,000 back in the 1950s – Wembley Lions were even better supported, posting a record league crowd of 83,000 (for, naturally, a clash with Wimbledon). Sadly, the 1970s were the last real heyday of this once great sport and, apart from a brief re-emergence at the start of the 2000s, Wimbledon Dons are no more. Many other famous teams from yesteryear have also gone by the wayside.

In today’s world, with big flashy stadia, the dominance of football, shiny high-powered machinery in motorsport, large-scale TV coverage and sponsorship, photogenic players, drivers and riders, celebrity culture etc, it seems that speedway is the forgotten sport. Single cylinder bikes racing round and round on shale circuits do not seem to capture the imagination like other sports (motor or otherwise). That said, there has been a renaissance (of sorts) in recent years. The advent of the Elite League in this country and the international Grand Prix series has raised interest and attracted TV coverage back to the sport and although crowds here remain modest, the league is probably Europe's strongest and the British GP at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium regularly attracts 50,000 – it’s a great event in a brilliant venue.

Speedway at the top level is an ultra-competitive sport nowadays, with Poland, Russia, Sweden, Denmark etc being the European strongholds. Current World Champion Tomas Gollob (Poland) may be slightly mad but he’s a great racer and every bit as good as the greats from yesteryear. 

If you’ve never been to a speedway meeting, try it - you might just like it.

The quick and the dead

I came across this photograph the other day. Clearly, it is a motorcyclist crouched in racing style atop a Honda Fireblade. Quite a nicely posed photo, isn’t it?

But then look to the right of the picture – hanging on the wall are what appear to be flowers or wreaths. There is a good reason for this as unfortunately, despite the pose, this biker is going nowhere. He is in fact dead and has been embalmed in this pose. Having shown this to a few people, reactions vary from “slightly macabre” to “how bizarre” to “very disconcerting” – one even called it “bloody ridiculous”. Is it? Or should it be seen as a fitting tribute to the riders’ (and presumably his family's) love of motorbikes?

The photo reminded me of a conversation I had with Mrs Chairman Chegwin on our holiday flight to Gran Canaria recently. I accept that this wouldn’t normally be considered regular holiday chatter amongst choosing drinks or selecting Duty Free but I was reading the excellent free newspaper Motor Cycle Monthly (available at the usual biker haunts like Box Hill), which had a small piece on motorcycle funerals.

Of course, I knew these existed but it still struck me as a great idea for ones’ final journey. After all, why shouldn’t people's lifestyles be reflected in their choice of funeral? As the Rev. Paul Sinclair (who has served families at funerals for 22 years via Motorcycle Funerals Ltd – now .com) puts it: “No one submits a Catholic to a Muslim service or places a Liverpool fan in an Arsenal strip when they die so why should those who love bikes be last seen in an automobile?". It’s a compelling point of view.

Once upon a time, a motorcycle hearse would be fairly basic - little more than a box bolted on to an ordinary bike. Nowadays, these are specially built or modified vehicles. A quick Google search reveals that Motorcyclefunerals.com use a specially modified Triumph Speed Triple, whereas a rival firm, Black Hawk Hearses, use a Harley Davidson Road King converted into a trike (with “Tombstone” style fender mounted taillights!). Meanwhile, lifecelebrationfunerals.co.uk use a customised Triumph Rocket III. Lovely!

So this is now becoming a real consideration for me (although hopefully a few years off yet). Being a biker is a big part of who I am and I really cannot think of anything better than being seen off in one of these (preferably followed by a huge cortège of bikes). What a scene it would be – just a shame I wouldn’t be there to see it for myself…

Bike insurers - taking us for a ride?

Ask bikers what their most common frustration is and chances are that insurance will come fairly high on the list. High premiums, the yearly ring-round for the best quotes, the insistence on purchasing the latest Thatcham-approved alarms, trackers and other anti-theft paraphernalia etc, and then the hassle involved in getting a payout if something does go wrong and your bike is nicked.

The motorcycling public have been lead to believe that the greatest risk of theft surrounds high capacity sports bikes such as the Fireblade, R1 etc - accordingly riders have been paying through the nose for insurance because of this. We are told that over £3 million worth of motorbikes are being stolen from the UK's streets every month. This figure is helping to raise bike insurance premiums to extortionate levels.

But what is the truth about bike theft? Judging by some of the premiums being demanded these days, any rational person would indeed think that high-powered sports bikes are the number one target for bike thieves. The truth is actually somewhat different. According to Carole Nash’s yearly bike theft survey, the most stolen bikes in the UK are as follows:

1. Honda SCV 100 LEAD
2. Vespa-Piaggio NRG MC3
3. Vespa-Piaggio ET4
4. Yamaha DT 125 R
5. Honda SES 125 DYLAN
6. Vespa-Piaggio ZIP 50
7. Gilera RUNNER 125
8. KTM 640 SUPERMOTO 625
9. Aprilia RS125
10. Suzuki DRZ 400S

So, according to Carole Nash, 8 of the top 10 stolen “bikes” are actually scooters or mopeds and all 8 are under 125ccs in size - not a Fireblade, R1, GSXR, Ducati etc amongst them. This is borne out by the highest risk by type:

1. Scooter/Moped
2. Trail
3. Sport
4. Supersport
5. Roadster
6. Custom
6. Tourer

Interestingly, riders in North London suffer the UK’s worst thefts, with a rate that is more than four times higher than the national average. Riders from Cardiff had the worst rate in Wales, whilst those in Aberdeen topped the Scottish table. Fully 80% of stolen bikes are taken from the owners’ home and according to bike security manufacturers, 50% of owners were found to have simply not locked their bike! I find this last statistic incredible – in fact I‘m not actually sure I believe it. But why would they lie? Why indeed…

Of course it makes sense to ensure you have good security for your pride and joy but short of buying a house next to the police station or bringing your bike indoors every night, there will always be some risk of theft. However, it seems to me that insurers are not playing fairly when it comes to the level of risk associated with large(er) capacity machines.

Carole Nash posted a profit of £6.17m in 2010 (within an overall turnover of £24.2m) and the big players in the bike insurance market – Carole Nash, Bennetts, Devitts, MCE – all sponsor a variety of bike shows and race series. Clearly, someone somewhere is doing very nicely thank you out of our bike premiums…

I, Superbiker

I went to my first ever film premiere in Leicester Square last night. Sadly, there was no sign of Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman or Cameron Diaz – instead the “stars” of the show were Josh Brookes, Tommy Hill, Gary Mason and James Ellison plus assorted bike journos and associated liggers. For this was the London premiere of I, Superbiker – a film based on the story of last year’s British Superbike Championship (a strange concept to get one’s head around, I grant you).

I, Superbiker apparently pays homage to the 1980 film Silver Dream Racer, which starred Hollywood megastar….erm….David Essex. Since there is no discernable story to the film, I’m not sure it does actually and Mrs Chairman Chegwin agrees (David Essex being a particular favourite of hers and she knows the original film well). Even the original bike – the Silver Dream Machine - was rebuilt from the box of bits it had turned into over the years and this was on display last night alongside the current victorious BMW1000RR (though frankly, it was like standing Bella Emberg alongside Pamela Anderson).

I’m not going to attempt any kind of review of the film because I’m still struggling to see the point of it all. In fact, it’s not even a film really – more an elongated review of the BSB season. This may be of passing interest to some but I suspect it won’t trouble the latest Harry Potter in terms of box office takings. It is not immediately apparent – at least to me - why this was deemed to be a good idea, but some people that were there last night seemed genuinely excited by it (despite already knowing the ending!). Others, including me, were bored s**tless. The words “straight to video” seem suitable here, somehow...

So let’s concentrate on the red carpet and who was there. Again, you had to look hard for real celebs. Happily for Mrs CC, her David was there, along with another hero of both of ours from yesteryear, Eddie Kidd (who seemed to take a shine to the missus). Personally, I was also very pleased to get to meet Dave Vanian (lead singer of The Damned) and Phil Collen (Def Leppard guitarist).

Keith Flint (the mad looking one from The Prodigy) was also supposed to be there but obviously had a better offer – such as a night in with a mug of Horlicks watching EastEnders - so that was about the extent of it (apart from the BSB riders of course).

Thankfully, I had imbibed a few nourishing pints of ale beforehand (and the missus a couple of glass of wine) so although not the social event of the year, an agreeable evening was had.

I’d quite like a big chopper

There, I’ve said it. It’s a secret I’ve been harbouring for some time now – the need for a bigger beast between the legs. And having recently converted to a naked muscle bike (and loved it), now is the time to remove the veil on other desires - the dirty secrets that we dare not acknowledge for fear of derision and ridicule.

In the biking world we have for years been conditioned to think that small is beautiful. The major bike manufacturers concentrate their efforts on the race track and consequently strive to make bikes lighter, smaller and therefore more powerful and better handling. The level of technology, the search for excellence and the rider aids that go with these ambitions is at a level never before seen on bikes. Fuel injection and ABS are commonplace, quickshifters and traction control are the latest big things and anti-hazard technology will come to road bikes eventually. How much further can we go?

The move to a naked streetfighter bike has really opened my eyes to the possibilities that exist in biking beyond flash fairings, screens, gizmos etc. I love the sense of stripping biking back to its essential elements – a big hulk of an engine, comfortable riding position and exposure to the elements. And now for my dirty secret: from a naked bike, I’m starting to think that a natural progression might be towards a cruiser / custom bike – but which one? My thoughts on Harley Davidsons are well documented in a previous piece (although I have to admit that the Sportster and Fat Boy do hold some appeal) but there are a host of other desirable options out there – notably Yamaha’s VMAX and the new kid on the block, which looks a complete and utter beast of a bike, the Ducati Diavel.

Fat Boy

VMAX

Diavel

For me, these bikes scream aggression and street cool and it is interesting to note that Ducati are so confident in the Diavel’s prospects that they are putting it into production in the same numbers as the long-established Multistrada. And judging by the glowing reviews that I’ve read so far, they are probably right to do so. We are talking 1200ccs of pure muscle allied with cutting edge sports bike performance, all wrapped up in a cruiser style.

The trouble is, biking just isn’t cheap any more, so will the demand be there? The base Diavel is the cheapest of the aforementioned at just over £12k (£15k for the higher-spec carbon version), the Fat Boy comes in at a shade over £16k while the VMAX will cost a whopping £22k for the new model. In contrast, my 2009 Z1000 cost me £5k via ebay! Clearly, any future move into the custom / cruiser market will be via a used bike, which probably counts out the Diavel for a couple of years – I’m already fighting the temptation to arrange a test ride because I know that if I like it I’ll want to buy it.

With sales of sports bikes on the decline virtually everywhere, might it be the Diavel and bikes like it that will herald a new future in biking? I personally wouldn’t bet against it.