Bikes vs Football Clubs

Given the ridiculously warm weather in London at the moment and the fact that it's very nearly the weekend, it's time for a bit of sunny Friday whimsy. Obviously, I love bikes and, despite being a Fulham supporter, I love football too - so let's do a bit of a match up and see how a selection compare.....

Manchester City - MV (Meccanica Verghera). Donkey's years old, with the glory years well behind them and largely ignored by the wider biking and football fraternities ever since, both MV and "Citeh" have new money behind them these days and both are now splashing out on new models.

Sadly, Carlos Tevez will never be as good looking as the new MV Agusta F4 1000 or even the new Brutale and although the biking equivalent of porn, both are likely to be as high maintenance as the treacherous Argie.

However, with MV sales up over 50% since 2010 and Citeh now challenging the old order in the Premier£hip, a bright future beckons for both it seems.  

BMW - Chelsea (spit). Repulsive, ugly, workmanlike and generally unloved by the masses - and BMW bikes aren't much cop either! As with Spartak Chavscum, the offerings from the Teutonic manufacturer are very much an acquired taste, with the GS range boasting some of the ugliest bikes known to man - though bizarrely, and for reasons I certainly can't fathom, both actually have strong and loyal followings.

And, it has to be conceded, both have a smattering of flair. As players I loved watching Gianfranco Zola and the likes of Peter Osgood and Alan Hudson from days gone by, equally, I have always liked the look of the K1300S and the S1000RR is one of the best sportsbikes around - yet both Chelski and BMW are often characterised by reliability problems. Overall, although many will disagree, I wouldn't touch either with a 10-foot barge pole....

Arsenal - Yamaha. A great history and tradition and packed full of stunning performers. For Thierry Henry read R1 (fast, exciting, direct), for Bergkamp read Fazer (classic, cultured and great power delivery), for Charlie George read FS1E (quirky, unpredictable and electrifying in its day).

And yet nowadays both club and manufacturer seem a bit directionless....as if they are drifting along and letting others overtake them. Arsene Wenger refuses to spend money and invest, while Yamaha are skint. It's a sad state of affairs for two former powerhouses in their respective fields.

Both are strong enough to return to former glories but the longer the current malaise goes on, the further away this seems. I have soft spots for both....  

Tottenham - Ducati. Strong, glossy brands with colourful histories and plenty of money behind them - and both are playing some attractive stuff these days. However, ultimately both are followed (ridden) by people with more money than sense and often delusions of grandeur - as the overdrafts and more than occasional breakdowns will amply attest. I mean, over £14k for a Streetfighter S?! Compare that with Spurs selling Freeeaaak Crouch for £10m and someone somewhere is definitely having a giggle (and making a lot of folding).

Nevertheless, the likes of Van der Vaart and the 1198 Testastretta are stunning performers and despite trying, you can never quite take your eyes off them.

Definitely a bit of a guilty pleasure....




Harley Davidson - QPR. Followed by oddballs. 'Nuff said!

Fulham - Triumph. Ha! Full of history and tradition, with both club and manufacturer mirroring their respective glory days of the 50s and 60s. For Haynes read Bonneville, for Jezzard read Thunderbird.

And both have been making strong recoveries in the last decade following the depression and malaise of the 70s-90s. Unfortunately, that's probably where the similarities end. Whereas Fulham have had the odd success (Europa League final in 2010), Triumph has surged forwards in recent years and are now leading the sales lists in the UK across much of their range.

Triumph Motorcycles is very definitely a British manufacturing success story. Fulham is....well, Fulham. We love them both.  

Gentlemen (& ladies), let's have a few of your comparisons......

Beware - Killer Chip Bags!

We had some lovely weather in Old London Town last evening. Despite being promised the start of an Indian Summer with sunshine and high temperatures all week, it had actually been pretty grey and dismal all day - then, at about 17.30, the sky really blackened and it started raining....and it rained....and it rained..... At one point I fully expected to see an Ark floating down Whitehall, with the animals coming in two by two! There was no point in attampting to go out in it as any biking gear would have been soaked through in minutes (let alone my flimsy textile jacket), so, horror upon horrors, I had to stay at work in the hope that it subsided a bit.

And eventually (about an hour later) it did.

So what's so special about that you might ask? After all, Britain has slightly more than a passing reputation for rain! Well, this little story is about the consequences of the rain. Riding home it was apparent that others had also delayed their journeys so the traffic was quite sticky in places. I ride all year round so wet roads hold no real concern for me - unless of course one comes across something unexpected. So it was last night. In an attempt to make some progress through the traffic, I decided to take a short cut down a couple of residential side streets.

Obviously, in autumn, there are various hazards around on wet roads - white lines, overbanding, manhole covers, wet leaves etc - and so riding a bit defensively is often a good idea, especially on roads that you don't really know very well. And so it proved. Last night I came across a new hazard - rounding a corner, with cars parked on either side, my bike's front wheel hit the greasy paper of a discarded bag of chip shop chips! Panic! Actually, panic is the last thing you should do in these situations - fortunately, I wasn't caning it and so tentatively applying some back brake (not front!) slowed the bike sufficiently to allow me to steer through the remnants of the portion of chips, without dropping the bike. On a wet road this was a very close call but ultimately there was a feeling of relief!

I stopped to regain a bit of composure (and to pick the remaining potato out of the tyre tread!), and it dawned on me that these days you cannot let your guard down anywhere - even in a quiet side street. Quite why anybody would discard half a bag of chips in the middle of the road on a bend is anyone's guess. Apart from the hazard it causes, it's not very community spirited to just drop litter wherever one feels like it. I know I sound like a miserable, moaning old fart but these little things really bloody annoy me. Noone really cares what they do anymore it seems - and hang the consequences.

Anyway, now you know - you can add killer chip bags to the list of road hazards we have to deal with!  

I'm a biker - GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!

It's been a while since the last piece on BHOB. Mostly this is because biking chum Steve and I have been playing around on French roads again! Following a cracking weekend in Normandy in May riding the excellent French D roads, for our autumn trip we headed to Argenton-sur-Creuse and its environs deep in the Loire region, where we spent an excellent 5-day weekend.

Unfortunately, the days that have passed since I've been back have only served to highlight how huge the gulf is between the two countries when it comes to biking. In three full days of biking in the Loire, we covered 1000 miles, all at a (very) good pace, without any mishap and without attracting the interests of the local Gendarmarie or (the few and far between) speed cameras. French road surfaces are superb and drivers are very aware - even respectful - of bikes. Even police bikers acknowledge you as you pass.

And I have to say that the standard of driving in France is very good overall - indeed, the only problems we encountered came from vehicles sporting UK number plates. In sharp contrast, on the relatively short run back up the A3 from the Portsmouth ferry, I was nearly taken out by a lane-changer and then zapped by one of our lovely (s)cameras. Welcome (back) to the UK indeed....

Getting back into the commute and biking in our wonderful metropolis has been extremely depressing. Having ridden many times in France, Belgium, the Netherlands and Germany, I am now firmly of the opinion that London and the South East boasts the most congestion (perhaps apart from Paris), the worst roads, the most road furniture/lights/cameras, the worst driving standards and the least effective (or fair) law enforcement in the whole of Northern Europe. We are getting something very very wrong in the UK.

Clearly, a big part of the problem is overcrowding. France is roughly five times the size of the UK with about the same population numbers, hence there is more space - particularly when compared to London and the South East. But that doesn't even start to mitigate the dreadful state of our roads or the deep decline in driving standards in this country. As an example, coming back from work the other night, travelling just past the Houses of Parliament, a car pulled out on me forcing me to swerve sharply into a cycle lane. Clearly he felt he had waited long enough for traffic to let him out and so he would simply do as he pleased.

At the next lights I pulled alongside him and proceeded to ask him what he thought he was bloody well doing. His reaction startled even this long-standing and de-sensitised London biker - he started ranting and raving "f**k you, f**k you, you f*****g c**t" he screamed and remonstrated and the bulging of his eyes suggested that he may recently have put something illegal up his nose. At this point I noticed that he had what looked like a metal baseball bat on the passenger seat, so judged it pointless to prolong the "discussion". An extreme example, but this is indicative of what now passes for normal behaviour in London traffic. Bad driving and road-rage of varying degrees is now simply an accepted part of the driving "experience" - and bikers and cyclists are the most vulnerable to people's moods.

Anyway, enough of the moaning, let us rewind to the Loire. Over the weekend there was a mixed bag of weather but we arrived in France to 30 degree plus heat so the trip down to the Loire was an absolute pleasure. Once you get past the trading estates and retail parks of Loire-Atlantique, much of the region is countryside and forests and while I wouldn't call it the most beautiful part of France, it is nevertheless very picturesque.

As with the Normandy trip, we again stayed at a biker-friendly guesthouse - this time the excellent Appletons B&B, located in the countryside just outside Argenton in the Indre department and run by the admirable Edward and Malcolm. If you are on a biking weekend or need a homely and welcoming stop-off half way to the south of France, this place comes highly recommended. It also confirmed to me that my long-term ambition of escaping the rat-race and running a similar type of guesthouse can really be made to work.

As I *may* have mentioned(!), the roads in France are excellent and the Loire is no different. We happened across one of the best - the D940 - which was so good that we turned around and did it again, with sweeping bend after sweeping bend disappearing in our mirrors at ever-increasing pace. Tres, tres bon!

And yet, all too quickly it was over and we were soon heading north, back to the ferry at St. Malo (itself a very nice town) and eventually returning to our overcrowded little island. We've had a couple of cracking trips to France this year and so now we start to make plans for our next excursion in the spring - only this time we will be trying the delights of Northern Spain.

A few photos from the Loire trip can be found on the BHOB Facebook page.

They're out to get us!

As THIS news item confirms, there is an increasing trend in British biking to exclude cover for pillions on insurance policies, unless it is specifically requested. Certainly, whenever I renew, I am always asked whether I intend carrying a pillion and the policy is calculated on the basis of my response. Is this fair? After all, on top of yearly mileage ceilings, requirements on garage storage and Thatcham-approved alarms, assurances on no modifications being made to the bike etc etc (all of which are seldom applied to four-wheeled transport), it seems as though the motorcycling public in the UK is being subjected to an ever increasing raft of restrictions when it comes to insuring our pride and joy.    

It's the pillion restrictions that interest me for this piece. Car insurance policies don't cost extra because you want to use your passenger seat, so why should a bike policy charge for taking a pillion passenger? Clearly it comes down to risk. The added weight and abnormal weight distribution of taking a pillion on many bikes can dramatically affect the handling and require better balance and throttle control by the rider. There is an art to pillion riding and in all honesty not many pillions get it right. We all know what it's like, if they don't know what to do then they're going to hold onto you like a vice, wiggle about, adjust jeans/skirt/seating position etc. And if its your fat lardarse mate you need to drop home then your balance is going to be buggered. Either way, the pillion has a superior capability to mess things up.

This is where the rider has to take the primary responsibility. I'd like a quid for the number of times I've seen sportsbikes riders take their birds on the back, dressed only in skimpy top, shorts and flip-flops - and then they piss about. Bloody madness - as THIS shows. It pains me to say it but bikers don't help themselves sometimes.

As far as (private) insurance companies are concerned, it is their role to analyse and assess risk and quote accordingly - and shock, horror, they are in business to make a profit, not just to get you legally on the road! So long as they don't breach discrimination laws, they can pretty much ask anything about the circumstances under which you wish to be insured (where you live, whether the bike is locked up, whether you have mods, how many miles you do, what you will use it for). In short, it is in the interests of the insurer to have as much information as possible about anything that is relevant to how likely you will be to claim.

As an individual, you are entering into a contract that has been agreed on the basis of the information the private insurers have a legitimate interest in. You are bound by the information that you disclose, and subject to breach of contract if even the slightest detail is incorrect. If you don't like the questions one insurer is asking (or, more likely, the price increases entailed by your honest answers to those questions), then it's a free market - find another insurer. If there isn't another one cheaper, then that's it - that's how much it is worth for them to insure you for what you want to do. Take it or leave it.

And yet, despite all of that, there is a nagging feeling that this is all part of a much wider plan - along with recent EU proposals - to price or restrict bikers off the road under cover of the safety argument. Roughly speaking, it should be the case that insurance premiums are set by estimating the total number of customers, the total number of claims and the average cost of each claim. It is further broken down by many factors that help insurance companies fine tune the risk equation such as driving history etc. Thus, if an insurance provider sees an disproportionate increase in claims or cost of claims in a certain catagory of course they are going to increase premiums or stop covering that particular catagory. However, as is highlighted in THIS piece, that doesn't tell the whole story. It seems to me that insurers are going after certain sections of the biking public - and the EU is coming after us all.....